Cartoons introduced me to human paper accordions and therefore I had a tough time rationalizing whether or not they were really possible. Remember that these cartoon artists are the same people who largely popularized a cross-dressing, smart-alec bunny wabbit and showed us that dropping anvils on people is merely a means of slowing them down.
I have been looking forward to a day devoted to eating with my hands for a few years now. While in the Philippines, I was eager to try eating with my hands at a restaurant but unfortunately the opportunity never arose. The day that I thought would never come--is finally here.
In preparation for the day's lesson I watched the above video several times. It is obvious that decades of practice has molded this gentleman into an eating machine that understands the nuances of eating with his hands. He is a figure skater performing triple axles and Lutz jumps before an astonished crowd--10's from the judges across the board.
My breakfast normally consists of oatmeal with an assortment of nuts and raisins. Today I opt for a sunny-side egg and a peanut butter and banana sandwich on pita bread. The first meal was safe and easy.
Remember dear reader, the world's strongest men don't get jacked riding ellipticals. They use steroids. For me to even breathe the same air or God forbid, eat in the same room as the gentleman above, I had to challenge myself and thus I did the unthinkable. For lunch I packed quiche and rice.
Sweet Jesus was that a mistake.
As I sat down to eat my zapped lunch, a stock exchange ticker tape scroll on repeat through my head reading, "Please don't see me. Please don't come in." My double edged sword of an office desk allows me to see out the front door but at the same time allows incoming people to see me shoveling my slimy fingers into my pie hole. This was the most excruciating meal experience I'd ever had.
I recognize the faux pas of eating with your left hand in India but 1. I'm not in India, 2. I'm a lefty, and 3. I wipe with my right hand. But even with my left hand, I have trouble comprehending why it was so difficult to eat with my hands. Watching me eat is like watching a whale explode in Taiwan. If you think eating chocolate covered strawberries with your hands is sexy, I don't suggest you watch the video.
Light pollution is my enemy and tonight is no exception. The sky was devoid clouds but yet I could only make out Orion and his nifty belt.
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With a voice more commanding than dare I say Ted Williams (you know the homeless, alcoholic, father of 9, Golden Voice), Sean Connery's classic, Dragon Heart teaches us that the baddest constellation in the sky is Draco. It just so happens that Draco is my favorite constellation and the first time I spotted it was almost as exciting as when I learned that Facebook changed my profile to the "new and improved" one...not.
I just learned that the when the Arabs took to the sky, they didn't see a dragon, instead they saw the ring (Draco's head) as the Mother Camels. You'll notice that the ring of stars, I mean camels are surrounding thus protecting a baby camel from a pack of cackling hyenas. I have to thank the Gods for the Greeks because Draco is so much cooler and could kill the hyenas and camels with a cheese grater.
In my fifth grade astronomy class, we never studied Hydra which surprises me because it's the largest constellation."One myth associates it with a water snake that a crow served Apollo in a cup when it was sent to fetch water; Apollo saw through the fraud, and angrily cast the crow, cup, and snake, into the sky." -Wiki. The snake, "crater", and "corvus" (crow) all rest close by each other. I love when that happens. Also the Babylonians interpreted Hydra to be a snake as well- talk about staying power.
Bootes is notably know as the plow man who keeps the heavens spinning due to it's proximity to the polar axis. Although a good explanation, a more entertaining version brought to us by Wikipedia"portrays Boötes as a grape grower called Icarius, who one day invited the Roman god Bacchus/Dionysus, to inspect his vineyards. Bacchus revealed the secret of wine making to Icarius, who was so impressed by this alcoholic beverage that he invited his friends round to sample it. Having never tasted wine before, they all drank too much and woke up the next morning with terrible hangovers; and they made the mistaken assumption that Icarius had tried to poison them. It was decided that Icarius should pay the price with his own life, and he was swiftly murdered in his sleep. Bacchus placed Icarius in the stars to honor him."
There's nothing like showing your friends a good time and getting rubbed out in return. Talk about a buzz-kill.
Sister: "You should learn to do a yoga move!"
Me: "Ok, which one?"
Sister: "Side Crow Pose."
Me: "Sure, whatever."
Look at this:
Mother of God--what did I get myself into? Have any of you even imagined this before?!
What was for breakfast? Oriental Rug. And for lunch? The same.
This is what I learned today:
If you have an empty stomach, an empty room, and no one watching, I highly encourage you to try it. Just remember that balance is more important than strength. Neither of which I have.
**I'd love to see a non yoga instructor do this. This is a challenge.
Note: This is the remaining half of the coffee brewed yet to be stored in a vacuum flask
In preparing for my weekend jaunt in Albania, I've seen more references to coffee than our ill fated friends of the Birdpocalypse. As a current non-consumer of coffee, I figured it's best to learn more about coffee before I leave. Coffee seems to be the Facebook of Albania: 1. People sitting around 2. People occasionally making comments 3. People spending a great portion of their day doing so.
At this point in my life, I've only drank one complete cup of coffee (I'm working on making that 2). For that first cup I give my thanks to my coworkers in Salzburg who strapped me to a chair (figuratively of course) and proceeded to record and document me as if I were the last unicorn drinking a cup of joe.
This morning I committed a monstrosity of unparalleled proportions in the world of coffee by adding 4 times (read: FOUR TIMES) the appropriate amount of coffee grinds. Even after my dad added a 1:1 ratio of milk, the semi-liquid sludge did not change in color (contrary to our expectations).
For those of you not paying attention, the lesson learned is that you can still salvage a ruined pot of coffee by brewing more coffee until the proper proportion (1 Tsp of grinds : 1 Cup of coffee) is reached. If your math is good, you'd realize that we ended up brewing 16 cups of coffee. It should last the family for the rest of the week.
This is a paper airplane that I've wanted to make since high school. A friend (who now makes handheld flamethrowers) brought one to school and I thought it was so cool. A short six years later and all my aeronautical aspirations have been achieved.
A former GE aerospace engine design engineer informed me that "it flies straight and true".
