Buy a Girl A Drink

Buying girls drinks is something that I don't do very often. In fact, I've jumped off cliffs more times than I've paid for a girl's beverage. This wasn't an easy task as it not only contradicts my beliefs (I totally agree with this guy) but I also received more attention than I wanted from family and onlooking friends.

Friday Night:

I failed to plan and therefore obviously planned to fail. My sister and I didn't leave the house until around 9:30 and I decided I wanted to check out the newly opened Margaritas. A couple minutes after taking off my jacket I realized how horrendous my error in judgement was. Most everyone there was paired off (including myself). My head slowly surveyed the bleak surroundings and came up short. The good part was I got to try a Godfather (scotch and amaretto) which was really good.

'Tis a lesson you should heed,
Try, try again.
If at first you don't succeed,
Try, try again. - Thomas H. Palmer (1782 - 1861) Teacher's Manual (1840)

Saturday Night:

My friend volunteered to drive us out to Waltham, a college town close by. We got to the bar, grabbed some drinks, and seated ourselves at a table. My friends filled me in on their scouting reports and honed in on a couple girls at the bar. "Go NOW" Morpheus AKA my friends commanded one when of them got up. I strolled up to the bar and half-sat while patiently waiting for the insanely tall bartender to tend to my needs. Looking at the brunette, I hoped she would feel my presence and look up. Instead, she was engrossed by whatever Facebook, Twitter, Wasteoftime that was on her phone (ugh). Eventually the other girl came back, I got my drink and struck up a conversation. After several minutes of talk about Jews, Brandeis, and tattoos, I offered to refill their drinks. They quickly declined. I insisted but to no avail. I asked another girl later in the night and she respectfully declined as well.

There is an easier way of doing this which is to ask the bartender/server to get so-and-so another drink. This is dumber than the idiot who tried to rape Antoine Dodson's sister, for real. If I ever buy a girl a drink, she's going to have to earn it with semi-interesting conversation, not a one sided interrogation, and she has to be somewhat cool (I've adjusted my expectations accordingly). It may never happen again.

Let's Play Minesweeper instead